Mis Vida...Ah Chico...

Okay so it is most definitely 3:00 in the morning, and I cannot sleep. Why I do not know but I know that I am awake and as I need to be awake early in the morning, this is not good. At least I have somebody to talk to. I have lowered my percocet dosage I am only taking like 3 of them a day now, and I think soon I may stop all together and only take them when the pain is particularly bad. Haley told me today that I should press charges against Jeff, and she is probably right. But for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe it is because we were such good friends... Or maybe I am simply too damn nice. Who knows? I surely do not. But I do know that I just can't do it. Whether or not I should isn't the issue, it is whether or not I can. Whatever. I don't care. It looks as though I will have no permanent damage, and I will get over it. In fact I am over it, I am done talking about it. I am burying it right here and now. It's officially dead, over finito. Anyways... I need to make sure I talk to miss Perkins tomorrah... I also need to call miss Lindsay and see what she is up to. Maybe she desires to go job hunting with me... Hmmm that is a thought. Anyways... I miss Russell... I feel like such an idiot for disregarding all the warnings people gave me about Derek and ruining the most amazing relationship I have ever had. God damn him... And me... And my stupidity. Fucking A, really if I look at it the whole situation was my fault, and I could have prevented it. Damnit I want him back. I wish there was something I could do or say to make him forgive me and give me a second chance. Things got so screwy and I lost sight of the fact that although he is not perfect, he is wonderful and I love him. FUCK... Well now I have even more in my mind than when I started which defeats the purpose of me writing. The whole idea was to empty my head so I could sleep not fill it up more to make it even harder. Fucking Shit it's gonna be a long night. But I think I am gonna give sleeping a try.