Mis Vida...Ah Chico...

So another birthday come and gone...Yup I am a year older. I have officially decided that I am not going to have birthdays anymore, I mean really what's the point? I have a general knowledge that my birthdays will generally suck...Royally. And then there is that whole anticlimactic post birthday blah thing and really why must we celebrate being one year closer to dying? Boy I have such a cheery outlook. Really I am having major daddy withdrawals it's rough. All I want right now is for someone to wrap me up in their arms and tell me everything will be ok, even if they are lying. And I wanna go to sleep in the warm, safe comfort of that embrace. Too bad I don't have anyone to do that for me. Oh well I will deal. I went out with my mommy for my birthday today and it was nice, until she started nagging at me about how much I screw things up. I wish she could just accept me and love me for who I am, that really isn't such a bad person. She doesn't have any desire to know that person though so I guess that is a long shot. She seems to have this twisted notion of who I am, its like her fantasy of who I "should" be and she has deluded herself into thinking that is who I am, and because it isn't I will constantly disappoint her. However, as much as it would be nice to have her really objectively see me for who I am and like that person, it is more important that I can look at myself and be happy. I am really working on that, and I think I have made some giant strides in the right direction. For starters I am officially done with Derek and his bullshit. I mean we can be friends I guess cause he isn't a bad person, but that is it no more crap I am soooo over it. I know I have said that a lot but this time I think I really truly mean it. I don't really know what it is that makes me think this time will be any different, but I really really do. Well I don't really have anything else to say except that I love my daddy with every molecule in my body and there is no one in the world who could ever fill his spot. And to my daddy should he ever see this...You are my hero...You are my world...You are my heart and soul. Daddy I love you...