Mis Vida...Ah Chico...

So I say I am over it and I am moving on, but that is a big lie. Maybe if I keep saying it I will start to believe it, but somehow I think not. I am making an efort to move on, but I am definitely not over it. Hmmmm... Though I feel he is done with me, and this makes me sad. in no way am I ready to give up, I just feel I have to. Where there is no hope why keep bashing my head against things? It starts to hurt after a while. I feel as though I am stuck sometimes and he makes feel so insignificant I want to disapear. I know he doesnt mean to do this but it is that aura about him, the one that draws me to him, that just shuts me down and make me feel just not good enough. Maybe I am not good enough, this is probably true, but I still feel that him and I could be amazin together. If only he would pull his head out of his ass and stop being a scared little boy. Whatever, maybe the events this weekend will push him in that direction...he is talking to me again which is a step forward. Who know I surely don't. It would be so much easier if I could just learn to be a dyke. I however don't ever see that happening, which is unfortunate, because girls are so much easier. That is the new plan I am going to chop off all my hair and become a big dyke.