Mis Vida...Ah Chico...

It is the strangest thing ever I swear to god. I don't want to have sex. All I want is for somebody to hold me all night long while I get that peaceful comforted sleep that comes when you are in somebody's arms. It is rough, because I have no doubt that I can get laid, but I have nobody who will just hold me all night long. I want to be wrapped up all safe and sound in a warm embrace. I miss having a boyfriend for that reason. I mean I miss it for many others as well, but I think that that's the worst. I mean honestly I do not have the slightest issue getting laid but I don't want sex I am so very much not interested in physical love right now. This is bizarre as all hell because I am normally the crazy sex fiend, well I have been of late. But I just don't want it, and that's all I can have. I really just want someone to love me, is that too much to ask? Is there something that terribly wrong with me? Why am I so damn unloveable? GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT!!! I had someone who loved me, and I am the fucking idiot that threw it away because I thought I wanted something new I thought I found the perfect guy. But hey guess what it turned out he was just an asshole playa' like all the rest. I am so mad at myself I am so stupid and I will never learn. I had something beautiful and I let it get all fucked up. I realized one night that my guy wasn't perfect and I let that go and fuck with my head and I made dumb choices and I didn't figure out how wrong I was until it was too late. Maybe someday I will find that true love that I am desperately searching for, and maybe on that day I will be smart enough to hold on to it tightly and never ever let it go. I won't toss it aside for the first attractive stupid little boy that comes my way and shows a little interest. God love hurts. But I want that fairy tale love that truly can endure anything. Oh man I am such a sad sad little girl. Daddy come and save me. I want to curl up and go to sleep... Forever.