Mis Vida...Ah Chico...

So yeah I know I had my bitch, and I decided I was done with fruit. But what can I say I am a liar. We talked today. Well we talk a lot, but today we actually said something. He says he is easy to make happy and I hope that maybe someday he will see I want to make him happy and he definitely makes me happy but my happiness is relatively insignificant it is just an added bonus. I realized today that my drinking really was causing problems even though I thought it wasn't that was simply because I didn't want to see it. I think that him and I may just end up being fuck buddies and I wont lie and say that that's enough for me but if it is all I can have I will definitely take it. I think he feels bad that he hurt me as much as he did but hey whatever I am strong, and I will get over it shit as soon as he wanted to talk to me again I laid down and talked when it comes to him I am a pushover and I simply cannot say no. I did the thing I said I was going to do. And well I did it that's all I have to say. Friday will hopefully be a good day. Non-stop action is the plan. But we have to find a location for this non-stop action to occur and that is proving to be very difficult. Hmmm. He feels that 5 is a better number than 4 and has something to prove in saying he can go there and if he can damn man ill be shocked and blissfully happy. I have lacked any communication with my p-nut today and that is highly unacceptable. Tomorrow I have to make sure to send Lindsay's package to her!!!!Highly important. But anyways I though that it was pertinent to get the fruit changes out of my head so I could process them better. In all honesty, even though we seem to have mended many of the fault lines in our relationship, I cannot help but thinking I am a fucking idiot for allowing myself to be swayed from my doneness. It is amazing though how a little jealousy and uncertainty can make a person realize their wrongs. I dunno I am dumb, but I still refuse to be his helpless bystander and I am still planning on taking charge of me and my life however if he wishes to join me for the ride I will not say no. Anyways that's all for now I have to get up mad early and I am tired so away I go to ponder the fruit.